I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
