I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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