Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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