just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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