O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
