I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
not ubering you a puppy
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