Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
