I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
