i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
