Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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