An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
