hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so let's talk penis.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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