I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
