Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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