I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
