Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
