I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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