just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
