kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
