We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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