In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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