Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
