I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
