Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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