i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize