But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Houston, we have a squirter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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