I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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