sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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