So drunk its hurt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
