so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
