Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
