i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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