Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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