My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
