worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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