he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
