My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
