You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
