Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Houston, we have a blender
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
