so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
