I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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