My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's shark week go big or go home
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
