He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
