Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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