I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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