This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
