According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
