i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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