I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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