He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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