I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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