Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
