I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
