umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
