I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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