I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
