You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
