Welp...herpes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
