I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
