you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
