I heard we made out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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