a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
