she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
