I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
