Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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