I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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