Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
